Just to Feel a Touch
by SingleMinded
Summary: He just wants to feel a touch. Takes place two months after Sam left for Stanford. Father&Son. DeanCentric. One shot.


**AN1: **This is my first one shot I wrote in the middle of writing You Have Done Enough for Me. It's kind of chick-flicky but it's my first try so don't shoot me. If you want, shoot me with review. :D

**AN2: **This was totally useless if not because of my awesome beta **iluvsprntrl**. She corrected a lot of grammar because my english is not fun to read. Hahhahaha... Thanks girl.

**Summary: **He just wants to feel a touch. Takes place two months after Sam left for Stanford. DeanCentric.

**Disclaimer: **The whole thing you recognize belong to CW and Kripke. I just own the title, the bed, their shirts and Jensennnnnn. (See, more nnnnn than Jensen with one n. So Jensennnnnn is mine. :P Just kidding)

**Just to Feel a Touch**

By SingleMinded

As the door clicked shut he quickly closed his eyes. Inhaling the air slowly, he halted for a second before breathing out soft and smooth. He kept breathing like that, as if he were asleep. He had learned the trick when he was seven. A trick to fool everybody around him included Sam. Because that was the only way for him to get what he wanted. The only thing he couldn't get when he was conscious, something he hasn't had for a long time. But it was only a hope, he didn't know if he could get it tonight.

Thinking about Sammy, he felt a lump in his throat. Sam was not here anymore. Sam had left them. His brother left him, alone, to deal with this crazy life by his own. He thought they were family. He didn't really mind about the whole hunting thing, moving around the country, living with the money earned from a game of pool or even the different scars that decorated his precious body every single week. He was happy back then. They were together. That was enough for him. But now everything was different. For two months, something was missing from his life, he felt empty.

He missed Sam. And he missed his Dad.

He could feel movement in the room. The huff and puff audibly revealed the presence of the man. He knew John well enough to know everything about him. But that was two months ago. Now, he wasn't so sure. The movement continued to the bathroom followed by running water heard from the sink. There was something different tonight. He didn't smell any liquor permeating the room. He couldn't remember a night without that smell. Definitely not for the last two months.

He heard his dad step out of the bathroom but the walk stopped suddenly. So he waited. And after a few seconds, he could feel the bed shift a little. The warm jeans brushed his right arm. He felt like he was being watched. So he turned his head slowly, to face away from the man, moving as if he was stirring in his sleep.

His chest continued to rise and fall _steadily._

Then he heard a sigh, a long sorrowful sigh.

"You know Dean. When you were born, I remember that it was the happiest moment in my life." The voice was soft, too soft that it was not enough to _wake_ him up.

"I felt the same way with your brother too."

He stayed still, listening to the words carefully.

"But I think it was a little different with you since you are my firstborn. Your mom and I, we had big plans for both of you. I saved a hundred bucks every month for you and your brother. We were happy. We always talked about your future. About the most suitable job for you since you were so naughty back then." He heard a chuckle. But after that he just heard long silence.

"The thing is, this is not what I wanted for you Dean. I didn't mean to screw up your life or your brother's life. I didn't mean anything like this to happen. I know I'm a bad father."

_No, you're not Dad. You did the best you could._

"I know you'll hate me one day. I couldn't give you what you wanted Dean. I couldn't give you what a father should give to his son. I've failed you Dean."

_No Dad. This is enough for me, as long as we're a family._

"I know how much your brother means to you. I put too much on your shoulders. I should've been there for him when he grew up. I should've been a father to him but it was you who did all that. And I'm sorry that he left because of me. I'm sorry that I just stole the most important thing from you Dean."

_It's not your fault Dad. He left on his own. He just wanted to be normal. We couldn't give him that._

"Our life is so screwed. I know. I'm sorry I can't give you better than this. It's just that you're all that I have left now." The voice cracked in sadness.

_Don't blame yourself, Dad. I understand why you did this. _

"I'm really sorry son." And suddenly a light kiss brushed down on his forehead.

_And I'm not asking too much._

He could feel the rough hand stroked down his hair softly.

_Because I just wanna feel a touch._

…**..Finish…..**

**Okay I read this again and I feel a slight embarrased. Geezz... That's was totally really not me. Hahahaha... but who cares right. Give me review PLEASE!!!!**


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